Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
