yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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