I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Success! We fucked roommates!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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