A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we're so committed to being not committed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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