so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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