maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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