The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
