i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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