Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
