So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
