He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
