dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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