I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
