I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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