She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
did i walk over a car last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
