White coat. Heels.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
