Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
