If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
