My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
