Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
