i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
