My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
