Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
