I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
