I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
