So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
