a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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