Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
