Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
