Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need water and some morals
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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