East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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