They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
