Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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