the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
