my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
