they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
