Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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