I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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