Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
