apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
