You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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