you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
