The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
