You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you didnt know i had herpes?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
