i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
