Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
