The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
