Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
