I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You made out with two different species that night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
