I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
