Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
