So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
